Joke of the day management course

In a recent software engineering management course in the United States received the participants a difficult question to answer. "If you had an aircraft climbed and discovered that your team of programmers for flight control software was responsible as many of you immediately get off would?"

Under the subsequent forest of hands raised, only a man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite happy to remain aboard.

With his team software he said the aircraft unlikely even taxi as far as the start and runway was let alone undress.

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Can a 'redneck of ship' if be

You can be a 'redneck of ship' if all your male ancestors in the civil war on the side of the Confederate fought.

You can be a 'redneck of ship' If your sister wives of Marines organization wants to join.

Be a 'redneck of ship' when the smell of dead calls make you wake up.

Might be a redneck of ship ', when if your D.I. says "The Crucible women include Navy" and you out screaming, "Yeee doggies, it be Lovin' on the battlefield tonight."

Be a 'redneck of ship' when applied on board a naval task force Iraq heading and one turn young woman Navy Ensign on and shout out "CHARGE."

Can be a 'redneck of ship', when if not white female marine cpl. NYC threatens to occur just made your ass for the sexual advances and you answers, "Wow, cause is it exactly like its older half-sister with my Nutin as a good ass kickin' before sex lickin begins."

Be a 'redneck of ship' If you think a S & M Club sex with Momma means.

Might be a redneck of ship ' when talking about ALL the women call "Darling."

You can be a 'redneck of ship' If you think girls from Nashville, Gatorsburg and Louisville city.

You can be a 'redneck of ship' if the waitress at the local choke and puke calls you a "filthy beast".

Can be a 'redneck of ship', when your D.I. says that to trim the hair out of your nose.

Can be a 'redneck of ship', when your older brother section 8 of the army for masturbate on the parade field.

Can be a 'redneck of ship', when your the reason of the hospital maternity ward, that the character in the birth room reading put up "emergency have sex on this bed."

Can be a 'redneck of ship', when your MOM and sister to comb the hair under their arms.

Be a 'redneck of ship' If you go to the Zoo, delete your pants, take a shit and throw it on the caged gorillas.

Be a 'redneck of ship', when women tell California, keep "you drag your ankles", and have no idea what the hell your talking about.

Can be a 'redneck of ship', when you brought the junior Miss high school Prom Queen to your high school prom night.

You can be a 'redneck of ship' If your classes at the high school often were aborted because the path to the rest area was flooded.

A 'redneck of ship' be if you were really a head and shoulders, which above all the rest of the children in school, this is of course because you'd repeat the first class 3 times.

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Joke of the day - Cinderella's three wishes

Cinderella is now almost 70 years old. After a full life with the now dead sat Prince, you like on your rocking chair to watch their veranda with a cat named Gizmo for camaraderie world go by.

A sunny afternoon appeared out of nowhere, the good fairy. Cinderella said "Good fee, what are you doing here after all these years?" The good fairy responds "Well Cinderella, because you have lived a good, healthy life since we last met, I decided to give you 3 wishes." "There is something for which your heart still longs?"

Cinderella is amazed, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under your breath your first wish expressed. "I wish, I was rich incomprehensible." Immediately your rocking chair was transformed into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Cinderella says "Oh fairy godmother thank!" The good fairy replied "It's the least I can do." "What is your second wish?" Cinderella looked at your frail body and said: "I wish I was young and full of beauty of youth." At once, requested your desire, was reality and their beautiful youthful visage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings in her, that had since dormant and long forgotten strength and vitality began years of course through their souls. Then said the fairy godmother again "have one more wish what you have?" Cinderella looked over to Gizmo, who now tremble in the corner with fear was. "I wish for you, my old cat, Gizmo, to turn into a beautiful and handsome young man." Magically, undertook Gizmo in his Biologicial make up, suddenly so fundamental a change that, if he Stoof he was a boy before it, as beautiful as the world had ever seen you, so in fact, that birds which thus fall fair started, from the sky at his feet.

The good fairy said "Happy birthday Cinderella!" "Enjoy your new life." She disappeared with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity. Gizmo and Cinderella's eyes looked for a few moments. Sat Cinderella, breathless, boy looked at the breathtakingly perfect had ever seen.

Then bent Gizmo went on Cinderella, who was banned in your rocking chair, and held so much you close his muscular arms.He close to your ear and into your ear, as whispered breathed, blowing your golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret choppy with my balls now, huh?"

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Pinocchio and splinters

Barbed wire toilet paper stupid prank gift

One day Pinocchio came to Gepetto with a problem.

"Every time, when I have sex with my girlfriend, splitter gets you." "What can I do?"

"You have tried sandpaper?" Pinocchio had not, so he went to try it.

Gepetto "Pinnochio," said a few weeks later. "How is the problem work out with your"

"Girlfriend?" said Pinnochio. "Who needs a friend if you sand paper?"

Permalink Pinocchio and splinters

Knock knock. Who is there? Boo. Boo who? I have not WAN don't to make wines. Knock knock! Who is there? Yo momma. Yo momma, who? Seriously, it's yo momma, open the damn door! Knock knock! Who is there? ...

1 A brunette and a blonde and a redhead all funny adult joke in the fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? The blonde because 18. Funny adult joke 2 A man noticed that his credit card...

Dirty joke 1 an old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on the shoulder, and ask for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who will be...

Dog joke 1 A man took his dog to the veterinary surgeons and asked the vet to remove the dogs tail completely. The veterinarian confused said "Why me to do?" the...

Police joke 1 the Boston taxi driver saved in the stationary fruit stall and within seconds, which he had a policeman next to him. "Name?" "Brendan O Connor." "Same as mine." "Where are you?" "County..."

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Joke of the day - random rants

Random rants

I'm kinda bored, sitting here at my computer with nothing really to do. I'm I kindof a bad mood, so maybe only about a few things, tick rant away will be. Do you have a problem with that?

Tattoo. After a tattoo with Chinese characters in it not make spiritual. It's about the leap from your ass. And it translates "Beef with broccoli." The last time that were nothing spiritual fact, God pray were not pregnant. You are not spiritual. You are only high.

Wal-Mart. I'm not the checkout! By the time I get done, my friggen map, enter my PIN number, press "Enter", check the amount, decision, no, I will not cash-back and hit "Enter" again push the child, who "is" me be ringing up it is eating my Snickers bar. Paper? Plastic? I have no time. I have just mentioned were four to do clean up on aisle!

Baseball cards. You know how I gathered kid. Hell, I think every child baseball cards collects. The cards represent your heroes, your idols, people that you wanted to be raised as when. My problem is not with kids... it's adults. Listen, if you're a grown man, not you collect cards are to collect images of men. This is gay.

Old people. Stop messing with you. Aim is a newly designed pill bottle introduction, which is square, with a major label. And the top is now down. And by the time GRAMPS numbers as it will open his ass in the morgue. Congratulations target, you solved the social security crisis.

Women and your eyebrows. What's the deal here? Why are you obsessed, soooo so thin, pointed, curved, cant you or whatever. Men don't care. Do you have two Eybrows? Great. Let's get it on!

Know what other ticks me off? People who read leave my stuff and no comment. I mean damn, this site gets tons of unique visitors per day and no comments. What the hell? How about's let me know what ticks you off. Mmmmk. thanks.

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Joke of the day - the best bar in the world...

A Scotsman, American and an Irishman are in a bar.
Have a good time and all agree that the bar a nice place.

Then says the bulkheads, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, in Glasgow back, is better." "MacDougal's, buy a drink, buy other drink and MacDougal itself will buy your third drink!"

The other voices that sounds like a good place.

Then the Americans say: "Yes, this is a nice bar, but where I come from is better." About Brooklyn is Vinny's site. Vinny's buy a drink, Vinny buy a drink. "Buy an another drink, Vinny buys other drink."

All agree that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, "You think that is great?" From coming in Dublin, is this place called Murphy's. "Murphy's buy you your first drink, you buy your second drink, you buy your third drink and then, to take in the back and get laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "This is fantastic!" "This happened actually to you?"

"No" answers the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister!"

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Coast Guard Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through each State;

Families began to celebrate Coast Guard.

Only House came an urgent call from the White

A crisis had sprung up, would be one and all to influence.

In fact, the State Department was frantic,

For Santa Claus had landed in the Atlantic Ocean!

It was foggy as always; Rudolph had made a mistake.

Santa, sledges and eight reindeer perished.

But the stockings were hung by the chimneys with care.

Poor Santa chuckled that "I will never there."

When what wondering eyes to show to his;

But some Coast Guard cutter with its rescue gear!

The officers and crew were so vivid and fast;

Sure was a lucky break for good OLE Saint Nick.

With a nod from the master. They went to work properly.

Was embarrassed, he felt like an idiot.

Poor Santa was humid but how anyone could see

He was very grateful that the U.S.C.G!

And we heard him exclaim how dragged him out of sight,

"If it were not for age and weight, I tonight enter!"

CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE

Colonel, United States

OIC, special services

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Joke of the day Twas the night after Christmas

' Twas night after Christmas and all through the trailer gone flat beer and pizza was staler. The pipe hanging socks, blank, no candy or toys, and I was on my old lay-Z-Boy camped.

Christmas present
The children were not you talk, me or my wife said worst Christmas, you would have had in their lives. My wife could not argue, and neither I could so I saw TV and my wife, she screamed only.

In the courtyard the dog barkin' started, I got up and saw I saw Sheriff Larkin. He cried, "I'm sworn to comply with the laws Roy and I have a complaint from one named Claus Feller."

I said "Claus, I don't know, not is no one named Claus, and you take me without probable cause." Then the Sheriff "The man was shot dead last night." he said, I said: "that would have me, exactly what he sees how."

The Sheriff replied "a jolly old Feller with a big belly beer belly, is he who shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly." "He sports a long beard and a nose like a cherry." I said "Sheriff, that sounds like my wife sister Sherri."

"There is no time for jokes Roy" the Sheriff, he said. "The man, the I in describe all in red dressed." I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean. "Tell me what you did, tell me what you have seen."

Well I started to lie, then what thought the hell it was not the first time that I spent new years in prison. I said "sheriff it happened yesterday evening about ten and I thought that my wife had drunk again."

If you in went from work she was white as a ghost. I thought, maybe a UFO had seen you. But said that a bunch of deer had flown over the head and red on the roof of our good neighbor stopped.

Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of game standing directly on Red's gutter. My hands were good a shakin ', as I grabbed my pistol if outta's Red chimney ran this Feller.

And posted his back was this bag over flowin'. I thought he stole's red stuff, while old red from bowling'. So I yelled "Drop fat boy, hands in the air!" But he went about his business, as he had no care.

So I popped up a warning about his head shot. Also he left pocket and he jumped in the slide. And when he flew way I heard to blackmail him, "this is attack with intent Roy, I'll see ya in court."

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Joke of the day - a blind man

A blind man was describing his favorite sport parachuting. If you asked was like this, he said that all things were done: "I am placed with my dog of seeing eye in the door and told when to jump."» ""My hand is placed on my release for me and I go out with the dog.

"But how do you know if you're going to land?" he asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass, if I get from 300 feet from the ground" he replied.

"But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he asked again. He answered quickly: "Oh, the dog leash goes slack."

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Funny Jay Leno quotes

The selected keyboard stupid prank gift

"Big scandal on the new" survivor "-series." Knows, the black and the Spanish teams have been when you turn off the Asian team. Caught cheating "-Jay Leno"

"Hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice could have a new friend." Secretary of State Rice is Canada's Minister for Foreign Affairs, Peter MacKay is linked. It's gotta be cumbersome dating a fellow diplomat. Today, MacKay, as had to promise Condi he would receive permission by the United Nations before he invaded her "-Jay Leno"

"Gen. Colin Powell shocked a lot of people in Washington through speak out against President Bush's policy, say that the world begins to doubt the moral basis of our fight against terrorism." The is what I think he said – it was hard to hear him because he left the room out to his cell at Guantánamo Bay. is pressed, was "-Jay Leno"

"Hillary Clinton of opponent in the US Senate race, Republican, you will run against, has been married three times, had an affair with his Chief of staff, had married with two children with her while with his second wife." "This is the first time in history that a Clinton 'Family values' is candidates."-Jay Leno

Two married friends are, drink one night, when you apply themselves to the other and says "you know, I don't know what else to do." Whenever I go home after we drink I have...

Certain Professor came too late for a presentation to find the most flattering drawing of themselves at the table. Smoking he asked the class Joker in the front row "was, who pray, responsible for this..."

T ' what the night before Christmas - old Santa was pissed he discussed the elves and its list threw miserable little brats, ungrateful little idiots I good spirit to scrap the whole works I have my ass busted...

These three guys got together a day and talked about how drunk you night before.The first guy said were at a party "" man I was so drunk, last night I went home and...

A sexually frustrated wife got some viagra for her husband. Her doctor told her you give a pill a night and that he in with her after a week to check would call...

Three mice are pretty rough in a bar in a neighborhood sit late in the night trying to impress you are how hard each other about it. The first mouse ordered a Scotch, SIPs it from below and...

This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan, one night in a diabetic coma in a reduced Street Dublin. It was at a time when he was at the height of...

A man enters a bar, sitting, and has a drink. Suddenly, a man he calls "I your mother last night screwed!" Disturbed, the man tries to ignore it. Again, he hears "your MOM...

The old family doctor, a small town away on vacation, is entrusted to his son - the last student his practice. If the old doctor returned the young doctor told him among other things...

A successful businessman flew to Las Vegas for the weekend to play in the Casino. He lost the shirt off his back, his losses were so bad that he risks bankruptcy on his way back! All...

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Meeting with a recruiter

George: "Hey, whats up"

"Recruiter: Hello, how are you"

"George: I'm good"

Recruiter: "you are interested in Marine Corps, there are many opportunities in the marine corp can do"

George: "sure, I would like to know"

Recruiter: "well, first go thought boot camp, it is about 13 weeks and then you receive the combat training to,"

George: "what have to do boot camp"

Recruiter: running a lot of Push-Ups, and a lot of SITT ups and a lot. "Then you have to be fit Deffinetely before you go, so you thought going"

George: "I know not over, I didn't know it would be that hard, I only thought, that would be in the military ways"

Recruiter: also, but you intend that through boot camp actively, to go, it is qualified reserves. "

George: take a Tarn is cool, sorry, buy "no, I won't, heck, I just think"

Recruiter: "I sure buy ok"

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New Sobriety tests joke

Paparazzi play set stupid prank gift

A man is home, drive, when you drag from a Policecar a fractional turn signal. The policeman looks into the guys car and sees a collection of knives in the back seat.

"Sir," says the COP. "Why do you have all this knife?"

"You are my juggling act," says the man.

"I don't think you", says the COP "Proving it." So the man gets out of his car and starts the knife juggle. At the same time, a car drives by two guys in it.

"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad that I quit drinking." "These new Sobriety tests are hard."

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Surrealists 'n' lightbulbs

Cool shooters stupid prank gift

How many surrealists does it screw up a light bulb?

Banana.

Permalink surrealists \'n\' light bulbs

Q: how many musicians takes screw up a light bulb? A: one two, one, two, three, four! Permalink musicians and light bulbs...

Like many racists it takes screw to a light bulb? No - you want to be not enlightened!...

Zodiac joke does 1 f: as many Arian to take to change a lightbulb? A: only one. Want to do something that, eh? Zodiac joke 2 f: how many...

Idiot and Fool joke 1 two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, tile, installation if a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their head. "I have an idea," said...

Clinton joke 1 f: how Bill Clinton says, "I m about to hurt you"? A: "trust me". Clinton joke 2 f: what is the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull?...

Blonde joke-1 A blonde goes to work a morning crying your eyes. Your boss, worried about his employee well-being, sympathetically asks "What is the question?" The blonde responds, "early this morning I..."

Ethnic joke 1 three men in the Amazon, a German, an American and a traveling and get captured by some Amazon. The head of the tribe says the German "What you do..."

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Was the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the sky,

Fliegerabwehr were with electronic eyes.

Combat pilots were embedded in ready room, beds,

Danced like enemy silhouettes in their minds.

Each Jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube

Was Triple redundant with blue cube linked;

And ELINT and AWACS was reporting so close

That nothing flew could slip through our defense.

If from the Horn arose such a clatter

I see dashed line on the screen, what was wrong.

I chose the strengthening and then quickly as a Flash

Fine-adjust the filters from the hash damping.

And it found the source of the alert we had noticed:

An incoming blip preceded by eight escorts.

the word "red alert status!" went down the wire.

As we each system the code that was meant "FIRE"!

On aegis! Patriot, Phalanx and Hawk!

And our fighter scramble - can send us the whole flock!

Start bait and rockets! Use chaff, through the yard!

The sink to get up! Call the National Guard!

She turned towards the goal, moved towards him, convergent.

All finally merged to the tracks on the radar;

And the sky was lit with a demonic light

As the enemy pieces in the High Arctic night was.

So we sent out to look for some Recon debris,

Still found all that you both on land and at sea;

Were some toys, a Red Hat, a charred left leather boot,

Broken Sleighbells, some gloves and a crack parachute.

Now, it's not quite Christmas, shot with Saint Nick.

There are unfortunate children in every village and town.

The spirit of Christmas can even hope to escape

All on the Web of the defence we made carefully?

Look like the gadgets we use to protect us

Otherwise change involving transform and us.

You can keep us from the things more to make the life worth living

Give the just like love for each other, and thoughts.

But on a crash program: day and night, work hard

The Elves are a radar proof slides construct.

So let us wait until next Christmas, in cheer and health;

And good boys and girls, how does Santa STEALTH

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MORE DIRECT

The Viet Nam war in the United States feelings ran high both for and

against the war. In a school district were assigned to all fifth graders

Write a letter to "any marine, Viet Nam".

If the hundreds of letters have been delivered, a marine be open and

found the title: "Dear war victims."

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Sex therapy joke, Florida style

Magic frog to A Prince stupid prank gift

Some Florida, both well in your 1980s, go to a sex therapist's Office.

The sex doctor asks: "What I can do for you?"

The man says: "you will see us wants to have sex?"

The sex doctor solves both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple for sexual advice is needed that he agrees.

When the couple is complete the sex doctor says "There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have sexual intercourse." He thanks you for you come, he wishes you good luck, it loads $50 and saying goodbye.

The next week, however, the pair are back and asks the sex therapist to see again. The sex therapist is a bit confused, but true.

In this case several weeks in a row. The pair makes an appointment, who pays the sex doctor then leave sex with no problems.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks this routine, the sex therapist says, "I'm sorry but I have issues." "Exactly what try to figure?"

The old man says, we do not try, find out everything. Is married and we are not going to your home. I am married and we can go home to me. The Holiday Inn fees $98. The Hilton fees $139. We do it here for $50 and I get back from Medicare… $43!

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Communication breakdown

Army, Navy, air force and Navy between dispute is that you speak the same language. Take we like, for example a simple phrase "secure building."

• Going army watch around the place.

• The Navy turn the lights and locks you the doors.

•Remove is a 5-year lease with an option to buy the air force.

• Marines will kill everyone inside and make it a command post.

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CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS GIFTS: SHORTY VERY BOOKS FOR MILITARY READER

McNamara on victory of historian and scholar Arthur Schlesinger, Jr..

His sacred honor of James Carville

The lies, the lead by Paul Begala and Rahm Emanuel

My favorite military leaders by Dee Dee Myers

Vertical envelopment: Aerial assaults by the Vietcong

Cooking with Chef Paul: gourmet recipes for MRE's

Brain teaser for Marines

The United States Navy on infantry

Diplomacy in the Iraq: a guide for the scattered troops

Carrier landings and the B-1

Abseiling for sailors

Viet Nam golf courses

General GIAP: on armor

General George Smith Patton: manners and courtesy

French victory from 1940

Unopposed landing in the Pacific: 1942-1945

Field marshal Goring on diet and exercise

Goebells: His comedies

Tojo: Collected letters and poems

Mussolini: 1000 year alliances for Europe

Stalin: Ethics and principles of Greek culture

Viet Nam hospital guided tour * Jane Fonda by Barbara Streisand. VA Hospital tours of Jane Fonda Alec Baldwin

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LAND ADMIRAL

An Admiral was reprimanded a young sailor, somewhere on the street to greet him.

"Why don't you greet me, sailor?" he asked difficult. "You know I'm an Admiral."

The sailor in unfeigned surprise called "Admiral?". "And I thought admirals never go ashore."

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MORE TERRA, FEWER TERROR

A trainee asked the flight instructors: "what the blazes Hanson, do with bucket of full earth are?"

The trainee said nervous: "I take it down to the level with me so that I can keep one foot on the ground in any case."

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